I have spent the last week or more dealing with a tragic blow to our community and family. We lost a child, my son's friend. He died from an ATV accident, he was only 12 years old. When I was going through this I kept thinking back on spiritual balance and meditation. My mind felt scattered to the wind and my heart was broken in two places. As a mother I could not fix it and make it better and as a friend I couldn't fix it and make it better. As the days ran togethor and tears dropped I decided my mind needed a quite space. I couldn't believe it myself I actually focused on my breathing, closed my eyes, and just listened to the wind outside, nothing else. I am not sure how long I was there but I did talk to Wyatt and told him how much he meant to us, how much we miss him and I would be there for his mom. I felt, not empty, not better, just calm, easy, able to think clearer. We layed him to rest on Saturday and I slept almost all Sunday, I am okay. I still miss him and my son is still missing him, but it doesn't hurt when I think about Wyatt. I decided to train my mind to not see the accident, I see all the wonderful memories.
I will share one with you. Wyatt would go to practice for football early and practice kicking, he was on my son's popwarner team, jr peewee's. I remember asking Wyatt if I could kick the ball and he said, "sure I'll hold it for you Miss Kandy" well I kicked and got so excited because I seen the ball go over the post. Wyatt was just sitting there giggling and showed me the ball. I had actually lost my black shoe over the goal post. We bothed laughed and he went for my shoe for me. I will hold that memory as my own loving kindness. I am working on my self during this class and discovered during this tragedy that self reflection, inner loving kindness, quite meditation and spiritual feeling does work.
What a tragic blow to all! My deepest condolences as my heart goes out to Wyatt's family, you, and your son. I cannot imagine anything worse than losing a child,especially one so young! I imagine meditative practices are the last thing on your mind; you are a brave person for at least trying. It is a good idea to reflect on the wonderful memories, and you shared a beautiful one. For what it's worth, contemplative practices are intended to help us develop human flourishing; and part of that is to help maintain peace and wisdom even with illness, aging, and dealing with death. I pray that you will be able to find peace, understanding, and healing as you participate in future practices. I know this is late, but I wanted to share this with you as your post touched my heart deeply.
ReplyDeleteMay God bless you and your loved ones and keep you safe.
Allana