How fragile life is

I have spent the last week or more dealing with a tragic blow to our community and family. We lost a child, my son's friend. He died from an ATV accident, he was only 12 years old. When I was going through this I kept thinking back on spiritual balance and meditation. My mind felt scattered to the wind and my heart was broken in two places. As a mother I could not fix it and make it better and as a friend I couldn't fix it and make it better. As the days ran togethor and tears dropped I decided my mind needed a quite space. I couldn't believe it myself I actually focused on my breathing, closed my eyes, and just listened to the wind outside, nothing else. I am not sure how long I was there but I did talk to Wyatt and told him how much he meant to us, how much we miss him and I would be there for his mom. I felt, not empty, not better, just calm, easy, able to think clearer. We layed him to rest on Saturday and I slept almost all Sunday, I am okay. I still miss him and my son is still missing him, but it doesn't hurt when I think about Wyatt. I decided to train my mind to not see the accident, I see all the wonderful memories.

I will share one with you. Wyatt would go to practice for football early and practice kicking, he was on my son's popwarner team, jr peewee's. I remember asking Wyatt if I could kick the ball and he said, "sure I'll hold it for you Miss Kandy" well I kicked and got so excited because I seen the ball go over the post. Wyatt was just sitting there giggling and showed me the ball. I had actually lost my black shoe over the goal post. We bothed laughed and he went for my shoe for me. I will hold that memory as my own loving kindness. I am working on my self during this class and discovered during this tragedy that self reflection, inner loving kindness, quite meditation and spiritual feeling does work.

Unit 4 question

As I did this assignment this week I reflected on why. Why listen to a cd on peace and feeling and training of the mind. Than after doing the actual project I realized it was not about just training my mind. I was relaxing my body, slowing my heart, releasing tension. After working 12 hour days at the hospital this was a nice relaxing time. It did take a while to actually get to listen to the cd and practice the focusing and visualization. I decided to picture my children as my ultimate love. I stepped up the project when closing my eyes I visualized my own aura encircling me and enveloping me in peace and love.

This was a very interesting experience for me since I laughed at the start of this class about meditation. In my head I thought, 'what did I sign up for?" After attending for the last 4 + weeks I haven't felt super charged but, I have felt more relaxed, less tense all the time and I practice loving kindness daily. I even smile when I answer my cell phone and imagine the other person can see it. I have been getting interesting feed back, co workers actually said I was different, calmer. I am looking forward to the next assignment. Thanks for reading my journey into the mind of madness stay tuned.

Reflections on my current state of health and wellness

Hello all ! Well we made through the holidays! This is a new year of learning about myself and how to better my health and wellness. Manage my stress and learn to be more open and friendly. Well, first I would like to discuss some questions asked in my class.

1. How would I rate my a: physical well being, b :spiritual well being and c: psychological well being using a scale of 1 - 10?

A) Well I can honestly say my physical well being has not been that great. My score would have to be a 5. I am at least 15 pounds over weight and need to start an exercise routine. I have been so busy between work, this school and the kids the past year has caught up to me. At least it has caught up to my rear end..lol.

B) Since I am finally settled into our new house and that stress and distraction is over I do plan on attending a church again with my kids. Currently I would have to put 7 out of 10 on this score. I used to attend every Sunday and something just stopped. I started making excuses as to why we couldn't go and that led to just not attending or making the excuses anymore. Wow ! I never even admitted that to myself and I am telling random strangers..it actually felt really good.

C) My psychological well being is about a 6 out of 10 right know. The reason is because I have an anxiety problem and I don't like to take the medication to control it. I used to work out 3 times a week and that helped but I haven't been doing any of that. Hence the 15 pounds over...Unfortunately my anxiety affects my physical well being also, I have had heart palpitations and even broke out with shingles at 37!! Even my doctor was surprised with that one. I guess this class is good for me. This blog allows me to be honest with myself.

My goal to improve on all these areas is first this, realize what they are. Since I have decided to be brutally honest in my blog I have discovered what a few major blockers are. I will need to work on my diet and physical activity. This will be the hardest since I am always making excuses not to go for a walk or work out. Maybe put a picture of me up from 5 years ago and one of me know in a bathing suite...wow that would scare me...lol. The next goal I have decided to attend church, my husband who hates going even recommended one for us to attend. We start next week...hopefully, I will keep you posted. I will also probably make excuses not attend so be brutal and tell me to stop..:) The next aspect is my psychological self, well if I work on my diet, increase my exercise and start attending church this is a step in the right direction. I am looking at a new year and a new me. I am still not into taking medication but if that is what it takes than okay, but I will try the relaxation techniques first and exercise.

Well let's see how this goes, like I said, I will make excuses and will try to not do my goals but being honest with myself is helping even know.