Unit 10

After looking back at unit 3 and seeing my scores for Psychological, Physical and spiritual me, it was amazing.

In unit 3 I scored my Physical self as a 5 out of 10 because of being 15 lbs over wt. Well I would have to say that score is pretty much the same. I have not been able to attacke that portion of my health. I pretty much just made up an excuse every time I was going to walk or use the stairs at work. That part of my self needs to change and realize that if I don't do more to improve my health I could be setting my body up for disease. Unfortunately this mental fight is part of my Psychological score.



In unit 3 my psychological score was not very high either. I scored myself at 6 out of 10 and I would have to say it is even lower know. I would score myself at 5 out of 10 know, only because I always want to make an excuse not to do something. I am working on this and hope to change for the better. I have even started making myself park farther away from the store so I have to walk..lol..Me fighting myelf and trying to win.



The spiritual aspect was scored 7 out of 10, this score is going to stay the same. I am getting better at going to church. My husband has even decided we should attend every sunday. I also remember the one thing my grandmother taught me. She said, "you don't have to be in church to talk to God." Well I am talking to him more and more, especially when I feel overwhelmed and angry. This really helps and I feel relief after talking.



After looking at all my goals and attempts to integral health I can say I still have a long way to go. I planned on meditation to help with my psychological health and so far that goal is still working. I still take time out for myself and work hard at making time for meditation. As for the physical goals, I am still working on the weight loss. I don't think that one is going to be so easy since my hours at work are so crazy. I am looking at the choices in food I make and trying to eat more healthy. Instead of fries I pick salad, instead of soda I pick tea, so I am trying. The spiritual goal is right on track and I am looking forward to staying the course.



With all that said, I have learned alot about my over all health habits and mental habits in this class. I tend to procrastenate when it comes to my own health habits but I am quick to suggest healthy habits to other people. I learned alot about myself from this class and hope to take another course similar to this one in the future.

Unit 9

I currently work as a nurse and I can honestly say it is important for us to develope ourselves. When you are taking care of sick people all day it can be very stressful. The patients do not mean to be angry or unthankful so you take all that negative feeling inside yourself. If you are not able to relax and gain your inner stability you can not help the patients relax.

If you are not in touch with your integral health you can not expect a patient to look to you for comfort or proper information. You can not instruct a patient on integral health if you don't practice this yourself. It would be like smoking and smelling of old cigarettes while telling your patient to stop smoking. They would loss trust in what you say and any rapport you had with that patient is broken.

In the beginning of this class we each scored our self on different integral health aspects. When I look back on those scores it is with much saddness that I have not met those goals I set.

My score for psychological or mental health was is less, but not by much, previously I scored myself as 7/10. My current score I would have to say 5/10, that is a huge step for me and I plan on lowering that score much more.

The next previous score was on my spirituality, that was 7/10. I can honestly say that score has not improved. I will continue to try and work my way spiritually but right know I am just not feeling the move.

The physical score I gave myself in the beginng was 5, I am still at a 5 and have not lost any weight at this point. I refuse to feel down about this and will work on the weight loss even after this class.

My goals are before me and my past behind me, lets hope I quit looking behind me and focus forward. I will live a healthier life, I will practice my meditation times to lower my stress and connect with myself again. I will attend church at least once this month and hope to work my way up to every sunday. As you can see I gave myself no options by saying I will.

As I am doing these positive things I will keep track right here for all to see and commnet on, even give me a swift kick when I try to make excuses.

Unit 8

In the last several weeks we have learned different ways to become healthy. In integral health we learned that meditation can been done in many different ways. When we learned about loving kindness I wondered how this concept would help me as a person and nurse. When I practiced this it had amazing results. I can be a hard person sometimes and tend to keep a pretty big wall up around me. The reason is so I don't get hurt by becoming to attached to patients. The problem was I was acting like this all the time, even with family and friend. When practicing the loving kindness people around me noticed a change. I was even asked if I was on medication. I was shocked, I could not believe how people seen me. I continued to practice and incorporated the meditation in with this. I actually felt better, less stressed and I can tell you I even felt good about breaking my shell. I discovered that the wall I built around myself was also affecting how my patients reacted to me. With the meditation exercise and visualization practices I was able to connect with myself and focus my mind.

The subtle mind practice was alittle harder to understand. I was actually better with loving kindness and visualization. I also came to realize that I used to practice my own meditation when I was younger by falling asleep to soft music. We don't realize what stress does to us until it happens. I actually had to see doctor because I was having heart palpitation's, they told me it was related to stress. I couldn't believe it, I was actually allowing stress to affect my physical self.

Since I am using the meditation practices I have felt less stressed and able to sleep better. I feel like I am working towards a new me. I am excited about continuing this progress towards a healthier me. I became a believer with this meditation 2 weeks back and since than I have been using meditation to relax after work everyday. I can say it has improved my performance and attitude at work and at home. I am less likely to come home in a bad mood or start yelling at the kids because I feel strung to tight. I find myself laughing more and enjoying just sitting outside more.

Unit 7

In the past few weeks we have learned how to meditate and practiced loving kindness. In this weeks assignment we are instructed to continue with meditation. Well I have been practicing and in the last several weeks I believe I have improved somewhat. I am not able to visualize beams of light but I can slow down my heart rate and focus on my breathing. I have been feeling great and sleeping better in the last few weeks. That must mean something is working its way into my brain and starting to help.

The last several weeks has been an upheavel of emotions, yet with meditation as an escape I felt less stress and more focused. I was able to focus on my family and there needs with a clear head and help a dear friend. I am not saying I was perfect at the meditation part, but the concept and practice helped me. I am hoping I will continue to take the time for myself each day just to refocus and bring my mind back together. That is the only way I can describe how I felt, scattered, and the meditation put me back together.

As for the saying about not being able to lead where I haven't gone. This simply means it would not be helpful if I instructed patients on how to meditate or how to practice loving kindness if I had not used it myself. It would be like teaching a patient how to draw the letter A if I didn't know how to draw it myself. If you want a patient to respect you and follow your recommendations that means you must lead by example. Don't be the doctor who smells like cigerettes and tell me not to smoke. Be the person who smells sweet with white teeth and is able to walk to your car without getting out of breath.

I am not sure how long I will remember to meditate or if I will be strong enough to keep my goals. So far I have spent the time needed to relax and focus my mind, practiced loving kindness and I have been paying closer attention to what I am eating. That I will say is the hardest since during work I am usually eating on the go so it must be fast. I have been good though and skipped the donuts, even though I am sure it is killing my loving kindness. lol.. But I am not so tired by the end of the day either.

How fragile life is

I have spent the last week or more dealing with a tragic blow to our community and family. We lost a child, my son's friend. He died from an ATV accident, he was only 12 years old. When I was going through this I kept thinking back on spiritual balance and meditation. My mind felt scattered to the wind and my heart was broken in two places. As a mother I could not fix it and make it better and as a friend I couldn't fix it and make it better. As the days ran togethor and tears dropped I decided my mind needed a quite space. I couldn't believe it myself I actually focused on my breathing, closed my eyes, and just listened to the wind outside, nothing else. I am not sure how long I was there but I did talk to Wyatt and told him how much he meant to us, how much we miss him and I would be there for his mom. I felt, not empty, not better, just calm, easy, able to think clearer. We layed him to rest on Saturday and I slept almost all Sunday, I am okay. I still miss him and my son is still missing him, but it doesn't hurt when I think about Wyatt. I decided to train my mind to not see the accident, I see all the wonderful memories.

I will share one with you. Wyatt would go to practice for football early and practice kicking, he was on my son's popwarner team, jr peewee's. I remember asking Wyatt if I could kick the ball and he said, "sure I'll hold it for you Miss Kandy" well I kicked and got so excited because I seen the ball go over the post. Wyatt was just sitting there giggling and showed me the ball. I had actually lost my black shoe over the goal post. We bothed laughed and he went for my shoe for me. I will hold that memory as my own loving kindness. I am working on my self during this class and discovered during this tragedy that self reflection, inner loving kindness, quite meditation and spiritual feeling does work.

Unit 4 question

As I did this assignment this week I reflected on why. Why listen to a cd on peace and feeling and training of the mind. Than after doing the actual project I realized it was not about just training my mind. I was relaxing my body, slowing my heart, releasing tension. After working 12 hour days at the hospital this was a nice relaxing time. It did take a while to actually get to listen to the cd and practice the focusing and visualization. I decided to picture my children as my ultimate love. I stepped up the project when closing my eyes I visualized my own aura encircling me and enveloping me in peace and love.

This was a very interesting experience for me since I laughed at the start of this class about meditation. In my head I thought, 'what did I sign up for?" After attending for the last 4 + weeks I haven't felt super charged but, I have felt more relaxed, less tense all the time and I practice loving kindness daily. I even smile when I answer my cell phone and imagine the other person can see it. I have been getting interesting feed back, co workers actually said I was different, calmer. I am looking forward to the next assignment. Thanks for reading my journey into the mind of madness stay tuned.

Reflections on my current state of health and wellness

Hello all ! Well we made through the holidays! This is a new year of learning about myself and how to better my health and wellness. Manage my stress and learn to be more open and friendly. Well, first I would like to discuss some questions asked in my class.

1. How would I rate my a: physical well being, b :spiritual well being and c: psychological well being using a scale of 1 - 10?

A) Well I can honestly say my physical well being has not been that great. My score would have to be a 5. I am at least 15 pounds over weight and need to start an exercise routine. I have been so busy between work, this school and the kids the past year has caught up to me. At least it has caught up to my rear end..lol.

B) Since I am finally settled into our new house and that stress and distraction is over I do plan on attending a church again with my kids. Currently I would have to put 7 out of 10 on this score. I used to attend every Sunday and something just stopped. I started making excuses as to why we couldn't go and that led to just not attending or making the excuses anymore. Wow ! I never even admitted that to myself and I am telling random strangers..it actually felt really good.

C) My psychological well being is about a 6 out of 10 right know. The reason is because I have an anxiety problem and I don't like to take the medication to control it. I used to work out 3 times a week and that helped but I haven't been doing any of that. Hence the 15 pounds over...Unfortunately my anxiety affects my physical well being also, I have had heart palpitations and even broke out with shingles at 37!! Even my doctor was surprised with that one. I guess this class is good for me. This blog allows me to be honest with myself.

My goal to improve on all these areas is first this, realize what they are. Since I have decided to be brutally honest in my blog I have discovered what a few major blockers are. I will need to work on my diet and physical activity. This will be the hardest since I am always making excuses not to go for a walk or work out. Maybe put a picture of me up from 5 years ago and one of me know in a bathing suite...wow that would scare me...lol. The next goal I have decided to attend church, my husband who hates going even recommended one for us to attend. We start next week...hopefully, I will keep you posted. I will also probably make excuses not attend so be brutal and tell me to stop..:) The next aspect is my psychological self, well if I work on my diet, increase my exercise and start attending church this is a step in the right direction. I am looking at a new year and a new me. I am still not into taking medication but if that is what it takes than okay, but I will try the relaxation techniques first and exercise.

Well let's see how this goes, like I said, I will make excuses and will try to not do my goals but being honest with myself is helping even know.